Two people match on a dating app, then meet at a bar. One problem with hookups is that they often look a lot like dates. It’s still possible to hook up and have no-strings- attached sex without disappointing anyone. Even the language reflects the skewed dynamic: Young men have always been told to go out and hook up with as many women as possible-to “sow their wild oats.” In that analogy, women are the dirt. While for men hooking up is a positive outcome (“We boned!”), women often talk about it as a means to an end (“I thought that if we hooked up long enough, he’d want to date me”) or as a regret (“I got drunk and hooked up with a man in a Santa costume”). Still, I think the generalization is a fair one. Just as there are women out there who have orgasms without foreplay-witches, all!-there are probably women who genuinely enjoy one-night stands. It’s a generalization to say that men enjoy casual sex more than women do. “You had to have noticed I was uncomfortable,” she wrote. After the date, when Ansari texted the woman to say that he’d had fun, she texted back to say the encounter had made her uneasy. I thought of that conversation almost a decade later when the blog Babe published that long, detailed account of one woman’s date with comedian Aziz Ansari. We were all having a lot of sex, but most of it was terrible. I’d recently hooked up with a guy in a fraternity who wore basketball shorts and flip-flops to parties “for easy access.” No orgasm.
“I had them with my high school boyfriend, but not really since,” one friend said.
What really happened is that for a very long moment, nobody said a word. Then we all started to make out, Froot Loop milk dripping into our heaving bosoms. One by one, we blushingly recounted the rapturous pleasure we’d experienced at the tender, skillful hands of drunk guys we’d met at parties. One morning in college, a friend slapped down her cafeteria tray and looked around at the rest of us-all girls.
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